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2004/07/05, 09:32 PM
i have shied away from going into detail about my ongoing bout with anorexia, but questix, i think you need to hear some things.
when i was 15 i was a star-athlete in 6 sports. all-district, all-state, being recruited to play 3 college sports, you name it, i did it. i was also a straight-a student, #1 in my class, and a co-editor of my high school yearbook, which is a job typically reserved for seniors. i had absolutely everything you could ask for, but i thought i was too fat. yes, at 16% bodyfat i thought i was somehow obese.
i quit eating normally, started doing more than 1,000 crunches a day, and doing endless cardio in addition to playing AAU basketball for a nationally competitive team year-round. needless to say, i had a problem, but i was the only one who didn't see it. i ruined friendships and destroyed my self-esteem trying to make myself thinner, when really i looked great the way i was.
eventually, after passing out twice at the AAU southwest regional tournament the day after my 16th birthday, my parents knew i needed help, and i started seeing a counselor about my very serious eating disorder. i had to go to anorexics/bullimics anonymous, a nutritionist, and was dangerously close to being hospitalized because i weighed so little for my height and activity level.
i was depressed and extremely insecure about every aspect of my life. i was so concerned with being perfect that i nearly lost everything that made my life great. after a year in counseling, i was back on track with my life and pronounced "recovered," but the battle is ongoing.
since i was released from therapy 5 years ago, i have had 6 relapses, one of which i am currently battling. i have a fear that comes and goes of what will happen to me if i eat that one thing that's not on my "safe" list. i have to fight anxiety attacks when i can't get to the gym to lift because i'm afraid of getting fat. it is not a pretty life to lead and it's a very hard one to keep hidden. people notice when all you talk about is working out and food, and then they start to wonder why.
acceptance is the hardest thing to achieve when you're battling with an eating disorder. i've started to be able to recognize the symptoms when i go into a bout with a relapse, but that doesn't stop it from happening, it just means i'm more aware of the fact that i'm hurting my body.
the funny thing is that i love the way i look now - i take a lot of pride in my body because i think i've put enough hours in at the gym to have a little confidence in my lean and muscular physique. the psychological aspect of the disease is so deep though that i slip into the same patterns with out even thinking i'm fat.
what i'm telling you by sharing my story (and this is the short version) is this: from what you have told us in numerous posts, it is very clear to me that you do have a problem. get it under control now, because if you don't you're going to end up like me being afraid of food for the rest of your life. i've been on the binge/purge side of this street too, and that got me nowhere but 200lbs, sparking another anorexic relapse that motivated me to finally get healthy. it is a viscious cycle, and it's not one that you want to deal with forever, so get out of it now while you're still young enough to change your mindset. it's the best thing you'll ever do for yourself.
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i wish you ill, ice-t.
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2004/07/05, 02:41 PM
Everytime I stand up I feel dizzy, and soemtimes I'm not doing anything and I feel dizzy, I know I'm a little obsessed with working out and watching what I eat, but I know I take in enough and often more than enough calories and stuff, also, I feel low on energy a lot of the time, and people tell me I'm anorexic or something. (Not skeletal- I mean the disorder, I know the difference.) My dad thinks I'm anorexic- but then he thinks I'm on drugs and a bolemic too, and I know I'm neither of those. I guess I see myself different than others at school, and at home, but I don't think I have a disorder, I really don't. Agree? Disagree? Little help, onegai?
Onegai= Japanese for "Please"
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2004/07/05, 05:55 PM
Are you getting plenty of water?
t
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Tim
I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies, for the hardest victory is over self. - Aristotle
You have the power to change a life right in your own hands. - Paul Brandt
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2004/07/05, 09:56 PM
Wow... Howdie knows what she's talking about....
t
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Tim
I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies, for the hardest victory is over self. - Aristotle
You have the power to change a life right in your own hands. - Paul Brandt
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2004/07/05, 11:59 PM
For me QuesTix it was hard to see my disorder. I used it to control others around me. If I got angry I wouldn't eat, if you did something I didn't like I wouldn't eat. I felt I was punishing others by punishing myself. I also used it to control myself because it's the one part of my life I can control, at any moment any time.
I'm not your average anorexic, I learned by watching my mother, I suppose that is why I never knew I was an anorexic because it was a learned behavior, certainly wasn't because I thought I was fat. I do fear getting fat so the heaviest I have ever weighed is almost 160 and on my 5'7" frame that's not too bad. The smallest I've been is around 122 no where near too underweight but underweight nonetheless. I've never personally sought help but it's never been out of control and as long as I watch myself closely I make out ok.
Like Howdie said, get it under control now before it totally consumes you. It so not worth it, believe me there is more to life than being trapped by a disorder. At the very least go talk to someone even if you don't think you have a problem, it can't hurt ; )
Good luck to you!!
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Damselfly
Whoever said that sunshine brings happiness never danced in the rain. \\"unknown\\"
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2004/07/06, 03:14 PM
Maybe you are aneamic? or diabetic? i used to faint alot form anemia. I also thought it was what i was eating but it wasnt . maybe you should go get a blood test just to make sure..:big_smile:
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2004/07/07, 08:32 AM
always see a doctor and explain your situation. but assess yourself first- do you eat a 'normal' healthy diet, five fruits and all those golden rules? Or are you shoving bags of puked up food into grocery bags and hiding it etc... etc.. do you drink water or often soda instead? what do you weigh and what is a normal weight for your height/age/frame? do you feel stressed, deppressed, futile etc...?
you can see for yourself if you have a problem- accepting it is another matter...
i wish you all the best in coming to terms with any issues you have with food. Obsessions come in many forms you know! Some people drink only coke or coffee, my mate only drinks lager(daily), i don't drink alcohol and get called a health freak and told i have strange eating habits. I don't I just follow all the little golden rules like so much fruit and fibre, mainly chicken and fish, 5 small daily meal settings etc... etc.. so go on with your exercise but make sure you have a daily limit as a law for you and check your diet and measurements- ensure you are plugged in to known good rules and don't bend and satretch the truth and you'll be great in the mind aswell as physical performance. all the best
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2004/07/08, 04:43 AM
Wow howdie I always got the feeling that there was something buring in you that fuels your knowledge and drive. :dumbbell: :dumbbell:
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I am that
which must be feared, worshipped and adored. The world is mine
now and forever.No one holds command over me. No man. No god. I am ANIMAL! and that is enough.
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2004/07/13, 12:34 PM
Most peoples self-image will differ from how others see us and usually we'll be harder on ourselves than on anyone else. However this can get dangerous. I think you're gradually coming round to the idea there may be a problem by posting on here. You can get loads of information about healthy eating and nutrition on this site. However, you to confirm that there isn't an underlying medical cause for these spells (ie anemia etc) you really should get checked out by a doctor. At least that way you can get peace of mind and maybe some answers. All the best.
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2004/12/01, 09:26 PM
Howdiekat:
How increadibly well articulated. Whether you realize it or not, you are most definitely an inspiration to those around you... both in life and on this board.
Thank you for your candor.
As for QuesTix... You seriously need to see a doctor. Maybe it's a medical issue, or maybe you're missing something important from your diet. You'd be surprise how your diet - not how much you eat, but what you eat - can affect your health.
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2005/01/12, 01:49 PM
i dont think you have a disorder. you may just be exersizing to much. just cut back on the exersice a little bit. and you should be ok.:)
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kala marie
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2005/01/12, 09:46 PM
I would get dizzy if I don't have enough of certain vitinams or if I was in the sun too much.
go see a doctor - better to be safe than sorry
the doctor can check your blood to make sure it isn't something serous
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Reddy
All people smile in the same language
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2005/02/27, 06:37 PM
The ONLY way to make sure that something is not wrong with you, is to go see your Physician!
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2005/03/02, 04:08 AM
I feel the same way! My wife, mom and a few friends say I have become obssessed to the point of being unhealthy. I am 34 years old, 5'11-6ft and weigh 175. When I check the body fat computer it says I'm well within a healthy range, yet when I look in the mirror all I see is a fat blob. I constantly find myself subconciously "pinching" various areas to see if my fat rolls are shrinking (my wife points out that I do this even when out in public or during a conversation).
Even as the scale goes down and my muscles firm up I can't help but see a grotesquely overweight person in the mirror. In addition I cannot walk past a mirror without looking at myself in disgust.
I have tried loading a picture so I could get some input from other members to see if its all in my head but as of yet have had no success.
On a brighter note, I have been pleased with the results I have gotten from following my FT program for the last few weeks! I just hope and pray the results continue!
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2005/03/10, 09:59 AM
If you cannot load the picture email George from the contact page off the home page. What I would suggest is doing what I have been doing, I avoid the mirror at all costs except to put on a dab of makeup. I try to not focus on any part of my body right now as I am always seeing nothing but YUCK when I do and I get so discouraged. This has helped me from being so critical on myself. Try not to focus on yourself so much but rather on what you are accomplishing.
And when in doubt go have a doctor check it out!
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Veda
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged.
***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
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2005/03/10, 08:34 PM
Veda,
Thanks for the input!
I have tried to stop looking in the mirror, stop pinching my fat and stop weighing multiple times a day but it is so hard!!! I am getting some results from my program but it seems that although my muscles are toning I am not losing anymore fat. It is taking all of my willpower convincing myself to stick with the 5-6 meals a day instead of going back to my 2-3 meals equaling 1200 calories or less.
Yesterday was my first cheat day in quite a while (2 bowls of cookie crisp cereal with no milk and a bag of light microwave popcorn). I felt so guilty about it that I gave serious consideration to trying to throw it back up but couldn't bring myself to sticking my finger down my throat far enough to cause a gag reflex. I know its all in my head because I even felt as though I had undone the past three weeks of lifting in one day (weird huh?).
I emailed George a photo about a week ago so maybe it will be posted soon. I am curious to see if other members consider me overweight or if I truly am out of touch with reality as my family suggests. At this rate by the time my second week photo is posted I will be done with my 8 week program LOL! (no offense George I am sure you are overwhelmed).
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