|
2004/06/16, 12:20 PM
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees!
What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes
behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7 foot grizzly charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and
saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer.
He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up
but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left
paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..."
Time stopped.
The bear froze. The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky:
"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I
don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident.
Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to
count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of
me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps
could you make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very well," said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the
forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought
both paws together and bowed his head and spoke:
"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty
through Christ our Lord Amen."
:big_smile::big_smile::big_smile:
--------------
Foolish consistancies are the hobgoblins of small minds.
Charlie
|
|
|
|
2004/06/16, 12:37 PM
:big_smile::big_smile::big_smile:
well, actually Charlie, if God had made the bear one of the hipocritcal diciples you read so much about, then the ending would go a little something like this:
...so the bear stripped him naked and violated the man, urging the atheist not to cry in disgust, as it was God's will that he be given all the pleasures of the animal kingdom.
|
|
2004/06/16, 12:41 PM
Uh oh, fasten your seatbelts folks, looks like another foodfight.
--------------
Foolish consistancies are the hobgoblins of small minds.
Charlie
|
|
2004/06/16, 01:10 PM
How exciting!
--------------
Anni
*******
Hard work must have killed somebody
|
|
2004/06/16, 11:09 PM
ummmmmm...the joke was fine, it was the alternate ending I am having difficulty with, I'm going to have to say two hours of prayers tonight just to rid it of my mind...
============
Quoting from dfly411:
:big_smile::big_smile::big_smile:
well, actually Charlie, if God had made the bear one of the hipocritcal diciples you read so much about, then the ending would go a little something like this:
...so the bear stripped him naked and violated the man, urging the atheist not to cry in disgust, as it was God's will that he be given all the pleasures of the animal kingdom.
=============
--------------
Veda
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged.
***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
|
|
2004/06/17, 06:57 AM
Sorry Veda, read an article the other day about this pastor that was sexually abusing young boys, he would tell them that it was God's will to keep them quiet. I usually handle my disgust and anger with humor.
|
|
2004/06/17, 10:58 AM
I gotta quit posting jokes... They are too depressing.
--------------
Foolish consistancies are the hobgoblins of small minds.
Charlie
|
|
2004/06/17, 02:00 PM
:big_smile:
|
|
2004/06/17, 03:23 PM
i'd love to tell you all the joke about the nuns and the mushroom:( farm one day.... the sad thing is i actually know one
--------------
todays post was bought to you by the letter A.
youve got balls of big steel
cha-mone motha hubbard, big up ya bad self, etc etc
i like honeydew melon
A.D.F.
|
|
2004/06/18, 09:49 AM
Gotcha, dfly411, it is a horror what is being done to children by these men of the cloth, hiding their sicknesses behind it, and then worse of all, being protected by the "church"...I misunderstood your understandable anger...
It's okay, Charlie, your joke was older than me anyway, :laugh::laugh::laugh:
--------------
Veda
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged.
***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
|
|
2004/06/18, 10:00 AM
Charlie probably has underwear older than you Veda.
--------------
Message deleted by moderator due to unsuitable content for this board.
|
|
2004/06/18, 10:49 AM
He does
--------------
Foolish consistancies are the hobgoblins of small minds.
Charlie
|
|
2004/06/20, 11:02 PM
:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:
--------------
Veda
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged.
***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
|
|
2004/06/21, 02:04 PM
I am seeing the Doc about prozac today.
--------------
Foolish consistancies are the hobgoblins of small minds.
Charlie
|
|
2004/06/21, 02:58 PM
Anni will try to make Charlie happy again.
If you have a moth ball in your right hand, and a moth ball in your left hand, what have you got?
A good hold on a pretty large moth.
--------------
Anni
*******
Hard work must have killed somebody
|
|
2004/06/21, 03:09 PM
But is the moth a priest?
--------------
Foolish consistancies are the hobgoblins of small minds.
Charlie
|
|
2004/06/21, 03:13 PM
My understanding is that the moth, while opinionated, is nondenominational and consequently outside the realm of scandal.
--------------
Anni
*******
Hard work must have killed somebody
|
|
2004/06/23, 02:59 AM
but it does exclaim 'Oh...god..' when you squeeze.
--------------
\\"Inscribe this on the charm that dangles from your navel, girls. Guys, tattoo this on your biceps:
Building muscle and might builds strong minds and character. Respect and humility come from lifting weights and feeding yourself with care. And from these distinguished qualities a great nation of people is built, by God. (Of course the God part is your choice, friend.)\\" Dave Draper
|
|
2004/06/23, 06:49 AM
LOL Don't we all...
--------------
Anni
*******
Hard work must have killed somebody
|
|
2004/06/27, 06:59 AM
oh my......
|
|
2004/06/27, 07:08 AM
oh my, indeed.
--------------
Anni
*******
Hard work must have killed somebody
|
|
2004/07/21, 11:09 PM
I am actually an atheist but I dont preach or practice it to anyone, everyone is entitled to their own beliefs.
============
Quoting from tmann98c06:
o and im not bin mean here, but no one needs 2 criticize people on there "relegion" because there's a lot of them out there and they all cant b right.....but the people that truly believe in their own certain relegion swear by it.....
=============
|
|
2004/07/23, 11:26 PM
Live right, die well. You will be judged accordingly, right?
I honestly believe that as long as you live a truthful, honest life and try to do right in all of your decicsions, it won't matter what religion is right - most go by the basic tenets of living right, doing right, being truthful and good. Live well, die without fear. You may end up in a purgatory situation or as a lower life form, either way, you won't know what it was that got you there. Or maybe you will, do you suppose raoches are like 'Oh no! You can't squash me! I was a catholic priest (molesting altar boys) in my past life!!!!
--------------
\"Achieving worthwhile goals requires a consistent investment of time and effort on your part....The rewards you receive will be in direct proportion to the consistent effort you put forth.\"
Brian Johnston, The Power of The Champions
|
|
2004/07/26, 02:12 AM
Wow this is deep...ok I'll bite.Carl Sagan made an interesting point in his book "Pale Blue Dot"(and I'll have to paraphrase as I haven't read it in years)that if he were to accept the idea that if there was a religion that truly represented the Creator and expressed the Divine Will for mankind,that religion would not be effected by all the diviseness caused by political,ethnic,and racial barriers so common today,but it's tenents would be applicable to all humans living everywhere,and would work for the common good and uplifting of the entire human family.Carl Sagan was not professing to be a believer however,but had observed the orderliness of the universe and drew his conclusions from that,much like Isaac Newton.This religion would be based,in part, on what is called "agape",or principled love,a love of right standards.For example,the kind of love that causes violent men to lay down their weapons,not out of fleeting emotion,but because it is the right thing to do.
|
|
2004/07/26, 06:04 PM
Good one Charlie. :big_smile::big_smile::big_smile::big_smile:
|
|
2004/07/26, 06:12 PM
Angels and ministers of grace have mercy on us. Somebody finally got the joke. This overall thread has been depressing the hell out of me. THANK YOU DAVE!!!!!!!!!!!
--------------
Waterskis with buffalos
Charlie
|
|
2004/07/26, 06:19 PM
No problem charlie. Figured you needed some cheering up. Go nuts buddy.
Dave
|
|
2004/07/26, 08:02 PM
Oh good Lord, I know I'm late on this one, but I got charlies old underwear stuck in my head.. YUCK!
--------------
Seeking out motivation does not motivate you to seek out results.
- Paul
|
|
2004/07/26, 08:08 PM
I will not comment.I will not comment.I will not comment.I will not comment.I will not comment.I will not comment.I will not comment.I will not comment.I will not comment.I will not comment.I will not comment.I will not comment.I will not comment.I will not comment.I will not comment.I will not comment.I will not comment.I will not comment.I will not comment.
--------------
Waterskis with buffalos
Charlie
|
|
2004/07/26, 08:11 PM
Paul, you're new. It would have been too easy. My head nearly exploded.
--------------
Waterskis with buffalos
Charlie
|
|
2004/07/26, 08:13 PM
lol, new or not, you'll find I put myself in those situations a lot :big_smile:.
--------------
Seeking out motivation does not motivate you to seek out results.
- Paul
|
|
2004/07/26, 08:18 PM
You'll fit right in buddy. That one was on the house. Can be dangerous servin up a lob like that.:big_smile:
--------------
Waterskis with buffalos
Charlie
|
|
2004/08/10, 06:35 PM
1st: That joke is only funny for christians.They are the only ones who could believe in a "christian bear"....which IS funny to me.
2nd: I find this rather insulting to my intelligence....you lured me in here with a topic "for atheists", then ridiculed me with that "joke" for not believing in some magic sky creature. Rather rude.
3rd: If I really wanted to I could give TONS of wacky,funny things christians "believe" but I (unlike you) have a respect for people with different beleif systems.
last...I don't think this is the place for your religious "jokes".
|
|
2004/08/10, 06:52 PM
I must say for being here only 5 days, you should get to know us before stating your opinions is such a manner. Charlie is one of the funniest guys I've never met, the jokes on the site are across the board with a wide range of topics. Aside from his jokes, Charlie has helped me out more than ayone else here - and I'm not alone with that comment.
So basically, Back off!
--------------
There is no substitute for hard work
|
|
2004/08/10, 07:20 PM
Havin a bad day Jo? Welcome to FT.
--------------
Waterskis with buffalo
Charlie
|
|
2004/08/10, 08:06 PM
charlie826,
No, I am having a good day.I have found many informative threads throughout this forum and am off to a great start on the fitness program from ft. Thanks for the welcome.
fsdsk,
I will not back off, and I am not intimidated by the comment of yours being "not alone". I have been reading many posts and threads in here my 5 little days of membership and have found it to be quite informative & user freindly.
I posted that in hopes of having Charlie see that not all people like to be drawn by interest into a thread just to be put down by what one may think is funny.If it were not meant to insult an Atheist,then there should have been more consideration in the title of the thread. I am sure Charlie is a funny guy and has helped many with there goals. (and hopefully he can do the same for me) If the thread was titled ,Christian/Atheist joke,I would have nothing to say. I wouldn't have felt like I was tricked into thinking that this was "for the Atheists".
It's a little like a slap in the face. I hope you understand.
|
|
2004/08/10, 08:40 PM
Jo there are some other athiest posts and they got kind of heavy. Maybe this post was a very deeply subconscious post to tweak those who particapated in those. Then again I'm not really rhat deep or devious. It was more likely just a simple silly joke. If you read more than the joke you saw that this "athiest" post covered ground from priests to insinuated moth sex to deep philisophical discussion to one poor unfortunate having my underwear on his head.
If you were offended you should probably not read posts in the living, male,female,over 40 or. under 25 boards. You won't be happy with most of them.For goodness sake don't do a search on The Last Temptation, boobs or butts, masterbation or anything that may insense you.
But if you need help reaching your fitness goals or weight control, the sky's the limit on the other boards. Again, welcome here and good luck meeting your goals.
--------------
Waterskis with buffalo
Charlie
|
|
2004/08/10, 09:00 PM
Oh and thanks for the props fsdsk. Lets go have a ribeye.
--------------
Waterskis with buffalo
Charlie
|
|
2004/08/10, 09:19 PM
Ribeyes sound good :big_smile:
|
|
2004/08/11, 05:41 AM
Hey now....
|
|
2004/08/11, 08:48 AM
Jo, you need to get a life.
As a christian, I can honestly say that I don't believe in a "christian bear," or a "magic sky creature" but it's cute that you think so.
Nobody "lured you in here." Try to exercise some of that free will I'm sure you do believe in. Why on earth would you take this personally or seriously?
If you don't like what you see here, feel free to move on to a forum where you feel more comfortable.
============
Quoting from Jo3service:
1st: That joke is only funny for christians.They are the only ones who could believe in a "christian bear"....which IS funny to me.
2nd: I find this rather insulting to my intelligence....you lured me in here with a topic "for atheists", then ridiculed me with that "joke" for not believing in some magic sky creature. Rather rude.
3rd: If I really wanted to I could give TONS of wacky,funny things christians "believe" but I (unlike you) have a respect for people with different beleif systems.
last...I don't think this is the place for your religious "jokes".
=============
--------------
Anni
*******
Hard work must have killed somebody
|
|
2004/08/12, 12:13 PM
"If you don't like what you see here, feel free to move on to a forum where you feel more comfortable." -anni313
"If you were offended you should probably not read posts in the living, male,female,over 40 or. under 25 boards. You won't be happy with most of them.For goodness sake don't do a search on The Last Temptation, boobs or butts, masterbation or anything that may insense you.
But if you need help reaching your fitness goals or weight control, the sky's the limit on the other boards. Again, welcome here and good luck meeting your goals."
-charlie826
I see...
If you can't take the heat...get the Atheist out of the kitchen labeled "for the Atheists" before he takes the....steak:)
Ahh, the religous.
Do unto others as you would have done to you.
Thou thalt not covet thy neighbors house......
typical
Don't worry... I understand..perfectly.
I'm out of your little thread.Thanks for understanding what I was trying to say and giving the new guy a good idea of who you are.
|
|
2004/08/12, 12:45 PM
Jo, anybody can make any point by quoting what somebody says partially. I don't understand why out of 137,312 posts on this board you pick one of my 3500+ posts to comment on in such a derogatory manner. If you read my responses to you entirely I don't see why you feel the need to make derogatory comments.
Other than my mentioning that I pray, you won't find a post on this board that gives any indication of my religious affiliation. You presume here. You jumped to conclusions based on 1 post.
--------------
Waterskis with buffalo
Charlie
|
|
2004/08/12, 10:05 PM
Before you read this, if you decide to read this Jo, consider that I am not trying to make you a Christian or religious. I respect your belief and in my belief I will pray for you.
Christian's strive to be more like Jesus but constantly make mistakes on the path. This is what Christian's call living the Christian life. We will never be perfect because we are human, but we can try which shows to Him that our hearts are there. For Christians they believe Jesus died on the cross to save them from the sins they have and will commit. The catch is they have to _try_ to be more like Jesus and not sin, but that is why Jesus died on the cross (as believed by Christians) knowing that we cannot ever be like Jesus. Otherwise without trying, they do not truly believe in Jesus.
Just wanted to state a few facts that are common misconceptions of the Christian religion. Many tend to believe that Christians are meant to be perfect. This causes a lot of criticism against the religion when a Christian sins. The whole idea of the word Christian is the belief of Jesus Christ who died to save us of our sins.
Sorry if this offends anyone, but this is something I believe needed to be said. :big_smile:
--------------
Seeking out motivation does not motivate you to seek out results.
- Paul
Post mark - PaulsMark - Post mark
|
|
2004/08/12, 10:53 PM
What does that mean B? The joke was sent to me in an email from an old military buddy.
--------------
Waterskis with buffalo
Charlie
|
|
2004/08/12, 11:24 PM
I think its just weird that you would spend time researching a joke and posting your results. I think Jo's response is weird. Going by the 1 and only IM you ever sent me that started with "F*** YOU " I figured you don't care for me. Maybe I was wrong. You're not in love with me are you? I never meant to lead you on.
--------------
Waterskis with buffalo
Charlie
|
|
2004/08/12, 11:28 PM
I think this is settled: Charlie doesn't make up jokes to demonize athiests, and this thread makes absolutely no sense anymore. This thread needs to sleep with the fishes (DISCLAIMER: the previous remark was not intended to single out and offend anyone affiliated with organized crime, Sicilian ancestry, or that really likes spaghetti and meatballs. Thank you)
--------------
OSU Law Rugby....specializing in personal injury and pain & suffering.
|
|
2004/08/13, 05:33 AM
bhardy - I have to be honest, you do have a tendancy to piss people off on these boards. It is difficut to see where you are coming from at times.
Jo needs to go - he is just trying to stir things up.
No offense meant here, this just seems to have gotten out of hand in my opinion.
|
|
2004/08/13, 03:26 PM
bhardy, Chill out. You read into charlie's post a little too much.
--------------
Seeking out motivation does not motivate you to seek out results.
- Paul
Post mark - PaulsMark - Post mark
|
|
2004/08/13, 07:56 PM
bhardy, Considering the number of people who very easily mistaken your point of view, you may want to try changing instead of asking the whole world to change. And I'm not stating this with attitude or anything, actually just giving neutral advice.
--------------
Seeking out motivation does not motivate you to seek out results.
- Paul
Post mark - PaulsMark - Post mark
|
