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2004/10/28, 08:38 AM
I find myself embarrased by my body during intercourse. I am always trying to hide my fat.(Like that can even happen). For instance, I put a pillow under my stomach during a certain postion because of the jiggling. My husband never makes fun of me or anything, it is just my own insecurities. I wonder what he is thinking when he sees my fat. I sure know what I'm thinking!
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2004/10/28, 11:10 AM
You are sooooo brave as I believe this is a subject that many - including me - "suffer" from and yet I haven't myself seen it brought up in such an honest way!
I am guilty of arranging the room just so; candles placed in just the right positions, lingerie draped carefully, and so on and I AM SO TIRED OF IT! When the kids are gone he wants to just go for it anywhere like we once did - bright lights and all and now I panic and suggest "later" (when it's dark) and I know he feels like it's "him" like I don't have the same feelings for him and I just get so frustrated but being stark naked in the broad daylight in front of him would be like putting me in the middle of a filled football stadium - the panic is no different! I just feel that I would about throw up if I was making love to something like me or it would take a whole lot of beer!
My hubby is like yours, he doesn't say anything except a mumbled, "don't worry about it!!" as my hands rush from fat to fat trying to somehow hide it!
And I am much like you, I am always wondering what in the world he thinks looking down at me.
YUCK is what I'm thinking! I just want to get back to the point where sex was SPONTANEOUS and not riddled with constant thoughts of hiding myself - oh the efforts I go to! There are so many overweight women I know that have said they don't give it a second thought, they just DO IT and enjoy - me I enjoy it, not a problem there, but it is so humiliating to me at the same time...
Thanks for sharing, its hard to put these things "out there" for all to hear, but at the same time to know someone else is dealing with the same issues somehow helps with the "being honest with yourself" thing - which is something that I have to work on rather than continue with this farce of a life I have created because of my bad habits that STOP me from enjoying the simple pleasures of life!
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Veda
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged.
***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
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2004/10/28, 11:55 AM
You know, I am reading this, and thinking to myself how we sometimes don't think highly enough of our guys. THEY LOVE US! I have over the period of 3 years, gained 60 lbs. I went from a very busty and muscular 13/14, to a flabby and self concious 18 and beyond. I hate what I see in the mirror, and would expect my husband to feel the same way. But ladies, they don't. They love us for more than the way our bodies look, and it's not like they are perfect either, but we still want them and love them just as much as we did when they were "perfect". Try to let it go a little at a time, and soon you won't be thinking about what you look like in bed, but how nice it is to BE IN BED!!!
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2004/10/28, 12:00 PM
Oh, I know what your saying but I've noticed that when my weight is down, my husbands libido seems much higher.
Makes me think...
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2004/10/28, 12:08 PM
That may be true, but you can try other things to make up for your weight. Try being the agressor, or use blindfolds and feathers, do something fun that you normally wouldn't do. A lot of their loss of libido is because they can tell how uncomfortable we are about ourselves.
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2004/10/28, 12:23 PM
I agree, DaniDIEt, when I lose noticably my husband is all over me, I even have flat out asked him if it doesn't bother him then why is it when I am thinner he is much more interested...he just tells me it isn't true, but maybe like CristalBelle said, he just gets a bit exhausted with my routine of hiding myself and I am sure as I mentioned he just may feel that it is "him" as it seems I am putting him off when it is actually I am PUT OFF by me!! LOL!
Hey, CristalBelle - I like the blindfold idea, but do you think it would be like reading brail - being able to "see" my chubbiness! *wink* I guess I would have to tie him up, too! Okay, enough, before I am deleted by moderators!
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Veda
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged.
***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
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2004/10/28, 12:28 PM
I was thinking along the lines of blindfolding him. Then, he can't see you, so you can be more at ease, and the fact that he is blindfolded will heighten all his other senses and make everything that much more intense. The few times my husband and I have used this, he always says "that is so awesome!" And yes, socks used as ropes work very well for tying them up. And hopefully, this is in the safe discussion zone!
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2004/10/28, 12:32 PM
Read my lips. It doesn't matter. Your most powerful sex organ is between your ears. Welcome back VedaK. I was right about the scales you know and I'm right about this.
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
Charlie
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2004/10/28, 12:36 PM
Yes Charlie, Thats why I said they don't love us solely for the way our bodies work. However, tying someone up every now and then can't hurt. :laugh: :big_smile:
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2004/10/28, 12:55 PM
Yes, Charlie, you are right...*tail between the legs*...you are right and know this - I shall never doubt the great Charlie and his bull! *chuckle*
Tying someone up certainly can't hurt, I agree, unless, of course I bring out the whip - does Electra Woman have a whip? I would think so, a nice leather whip, yeah...that should do it...
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Veda
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged.
***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
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2004/10/28, 01:05 PM
I don't know what to say to that one....hopefully you can find an outfit to go with the whip? :big_smile:
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2004/10/28, 01:46 PM
Ladies, ladies, ladies, did you ever here the expression "Fat is beautiful"? Well some men/women think so, otherwise the expression wouldn't be around! Think about it.:big_smile:
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"A will finds a way, failure is not an option"
Ivan
carivan@freetrainers.com
Montreal Canada
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2004/10/28, 03:45 PM
I just wanted to let all the ladies here know that I know exactly how your feeling, all the things you've all wrote above I feel them too, even though my wieght has increased about 30 or so lbs I am still feeling the same way you guys are and do the same things to "hide" and still feel the emotional "uncomfortableness" with my own body...
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My mind tells me to win, my spirit shows me how, and my body delivers.
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2004/11/03, 07:11 PM
I understand how you feel, but nothing puts off a man's Libido more than being insecure with ourselves. I sat down and talked to my significant other about it and he assured me that 90% of men don't care what size you are as long as you seem confident with yourself. It's all in how you carry yourself. When you ride a horse, it can sense if you're nervous or not..them same goes for having intimate relations with guy. :o) Just strut your stuff. :o)
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2004/11/05, 01:27 PM
When I did have sex lol, I was in the moment, not looking aorund the room, saying stuff like" that window needs to be closed", theres a cob web in the corner"
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GO into battle as if was your last, cause thats the only one you loose!
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2004/11/05, 01:31 PM
Andrew's right on. Ladies when men and sex are involved, you just gotta remember which head he's thinking with.:big_smile:
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
Charlie
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2004/11/05, 03:04 PM
OH JEEZZZ!!! I think I just topped Annie with the coffee coming out the nose, I think mine is coming out my tear ducts, ears and nose!!!
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Quoting from charlie826:
Andrew's right on. Ladies when men and sex are involved, you just gotta remember which head he's thinking with.:big_smile:
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Veda
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged.
***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
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2004/12/29, 09:55 AM
I totally know how you feel. I don't like to have sex at all because I feel like I'm too fat for it. And because I don't like having sex my husband lately has been threatning to leave me for someone who will have sex. My mom says that sometimes you have to do it even if you don't want to, which I do do it sometimes, but I don't enjoy it. The whole time I'm thinking about how fat I am.
My husband and I haven't been speaking for a few days because of this issue and I just don't know what to do anymore. I try to do things to make him happy, but he wants it ALL the time and I just had a baby, I don't have time for it ALL the time.
Maybe it will get better. But as of now, I don't even care. I've just been depressed. The good thing is that I've been taking it out on myself at the gym.
I just keep thinking if I lose weight he will love me more... :(
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~Brandy~
brandyjames06@yahoo.com
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2004/12/29, 10:13 AM
leave him.:big_smile:
DX
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2004/12/29, 10:55 AM
guys have 4 main needs ....... fire, violance, meat, sex
Evernotice why guys liek to have cookouts, on a major football game.......there meat, fire, violance.........and if they get some.....well then its been quite a day!
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The following, has not be approved by the FDA or FT, it was not meant to diagnose,treat,or prevent any diease(s) Please consult a moderator or doctor before using any of the suggestions or comments.
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2004/12/29, 10:55 AM
guys have 4 main needs ....... fire, violance, meat, sex
Evernotice why guys liek to have cookouts, on a major football game.......there meat, fire, violance.........and if they get some.....well then its been quite a day!
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The following, has not be approved by the FDA or FT, it was not meant to diagnose,treat,or prevent any diease(s) Please consult a moderator or doctor before using any of the suggestions or comments.
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2004/12/29, 11:40 AM
lol, BigA. I think you are right.
I will say that I agree that sometimes I am self conscious about my body, but I get over it. My fiance thinks the sexiest thing in the world is me when I am going after what I want. He compliments me all the time, which is good because the sexier I feel the more sex we have.
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2004/12/29, 11:47 AM
Well my husband doesn't think I'm the sexiest thing in the world...but he sure gets a kick out of all the chicks in his "play" magazines and movies!
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~Brandy~
brandyjames06@yahoo.com
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2004/12/29, 12:16 PM
I don't know what it must be like for you to feel that your husband doesn't want you,he just wants sex, but I do understand your being depressed because of how you look, which in turn makes you depressed about the situation with your husband. It goes back and forth back and forth. One thing that I know with men, is that they like confidence. So, here is what you do. You continue to work out whenever you can, and take time for yourself whenever you can. The more you work on yourself FOR YOU, the more confident you will start to feel, and even if confidence isn't it, you will start feeling happier with yourself. Trust me, your husband WILL notice a change, even if it isn't physical, and will more than likely become even more attracted to you, and in turn because you feel better about yourself, you might start to want him back, and things just possibly could get a whole lot better for both of you. :)
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2004/12/29, 03:15 PM
I may be sooooo way off base here, but some of the things you have said have sent off some warning signals to me - here me out and do what you will...my X was a sex addict..he was addicted to sex, he needed magazines, movies and sex all the time, and I mean all the time and many of those times it was inappropriate and cruel and it consumed him, that is what he thought about continually. I thought it was MY problem, although I enjoyed sex as much as another gal, it was as if nothing I could do would please him and I was in great shape at the time! Anyway, my point is, sometimes it isn't our problem - and let me tell you - him having all that porn did NOT help my self-esteem one iota as I compared myself to those things I found hidden all over the house. Anyway, before I rant and rave anymore, check out some web sites on it so you know if you are dealing with just YOUR problem, because often times in a marriage it is not one person responsible and even if he may not be anything near this as most men think with their who-ha anyway, you can find a way to work through it when you know what you are dealing with.
Oh, and I, too, worry about my fat, but if you look at another post I posted in the men's forum here on FT you will see for yourself that men aren't as worried about it as we are! ;)
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Veda
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged.
***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
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2004/12/30, 07:38 AM
Thanks all! I will check out that other forum Veda. You may be hitting the nail on the head. And as for your advice Cristal, I will definately be working on myself. Infact, one day he asked me if I was going to get in shape for him and I told him no, I was going to get in shape for me.
He apologized for the mean things he said the other night which makes me feel better when he apologizes, but I wish he didn't do the darn things to have to apologize for them! He told me he loved me the way I am and blah blah blah...but anyway. I'm going to keep working on myself. And Veda, I will also check on the porn problem because he is obsessed, maybe not thinking about it all the time obsessed, but he is buying a magazine or video every week. I've gotten over feeling like crap because I don't look like those girls. I used to feel like that, but now I just use them in my head to think I will look like them, well maybe not in a pic with me legs spread open..ha ha never mind.
So thanks all for the support! I'm glad I can get this stuff out because I'm too ashamed to tell my friends this!
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~Brandy~
brandyjames06@yahoo.com
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2004/12/30, 09:55 AM
Total strangers can sometimes help in ways others cannot, and then again, friends should understand. Good luck to you, just keep working on your goals - for you - and try to talk things out with him when you are comfortable doing so. Hang in there, good to have you here!
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Quoting from brandyjames:
So thanks all for the support! I'm glad I can get this stuff out because I'm too ashamed to tell my friends this!
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Veda
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged.
***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
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2005/01/03, 08:40 AM
Well things are working out a lot better with that situation. I sat down and talked to him about the way I felt about myself and how he just needs to be patient with me right now. And I think he really understood. So things are going well. My New Years Resolution with that is to be more open and willing to TALK not YELL. Thanks for all the advice.
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~Brandy~
brandyjames06@yahoo.com
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2005/01/03, 09:06 AM
glad things are going better with you two :)
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2005/01/05, 07:42 AM
Thanks :big_smile:
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~Brandy~
brandyjames06@yahoo.com
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2005/01/05, 12:01 PM
I had a thought for you Brandyjames - how about putting the baby in a stroll & both of you going for a walk - me & my hubby used to do that & it helped alot (calmed the kid down too so he fell asleep) I miss it now
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Reddy
All people smile in the same language
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2005/01/06, 10:52 AM
Awww, that's a good idea. This time of year sucks though because it's sooooo cold. But we do go out and take my son places like Chucky Cheese...I usually just sit and watch them play video games. But it puts him in a better mood ; )
My new years resolution was to spend more intimate time with him. I'm still working on it...:surprised:
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~Brandy~
brandyjames06@yahoo.com
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2005/01/06, 03:12 PM
Kids, work, sleep, dogs, work, cats, birds, working out, grandson, laundry, dishes, work...let me know when you figure out the "more time" part, okay, I could use some tips in that area!
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Quoting from brandyjames:
Awww, that's a good idea. This time of year sucks though because it's sooooo cold. But we do go out and take my son places like Chucky Cheese...I usually just sit and watch them play video games. But it puts him in a better mood ; )
My new years resolution was to spend more intimate time with him. I'm still working on it...:surprised:
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Veda
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged.
***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
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2005/01/07, 08:04 AM
Well Veda, do you have to work on the weekends? Maybe you could get a sitter (I'm not sure how old your boys are) and go out on a romantic date with your husband...JUST THE TWO OF YOU! :big_smile:
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~Brandy~
brandyjames06@yahoo.com
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2005/01/07, 12:11 PM
That would be nice, I don't even need a sitter as the two at home are 18 and 14, but there is not a dime left after bills to allow it...and trust me, we need it or this here marriage just isn't going to make it - but alas, that is another forum!! :)
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Veda
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged.
***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
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2005/01/07, 08:53 PM
Veda - a picnic lunch in a park would make a great date
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Reddy
All people smile in the same language
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2005/01/08, 10:03 PM
how bout some sex? makes a great date?( only kidding)
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2005/01/18, 07:01 PM
DaniDIEt:
Have you ever noticed that when you are with your partner and they are REALLY into it, you get turned on more?
If you're like me at all, then when you lose a little, you feel way better about yourself, and just knowing that you're thinner and (in your mind) more attractive increases your libido. Most husbands have a reactionary libido as well as their own, meaning if you are REALLY into it, even if they weren't in the mood, they'll quickly get into it too.
I don't think that your being a bit thinner at times has any impact on your husbands libido. It's actually yours that is impacted. Especially since you feel unworthy or lesser as a person when you are overwheight.
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Quoting from DaniDIEt:
Oh, I know what your saying but I've noticed that when my weight is down, my husbands libido seems much higher.
Makes me think...
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