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Ok Mutt, Paul, Lance here's help

	2004/08/31, 11:25 AM The first part is for all you soon to be daddies and mommies. The second part is because women everywhere should know there are still sensitive men out here. This ones also for you Natalie. Welcome to FT. Oh and you to Cristal. Pregnancy Questions: Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough. Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth. Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question? Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. Q: When is the best time to get an epidermal? A: Right after you find out you're pregnant. Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you. Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy. Q: Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly. Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids are in college. "ESTROGEN ISSUES" 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES" 1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet 3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-" 6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice! 7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space." 9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. 10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday. TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND 10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. AND, the Number One thing only women understand: 1. OTHER WOMEN -------------- Dances with Buffalos Charlie
livers20 Posts: 220 Joined: 2004/05/13	2004/08/31, 01:03 PM That is funny I don't care who you are. That there is funny.:laugh::laugh: -------------- Dont Expect Results, Earn Them! Lance
jonathanweaver Posts: 576 Joined: 2004/06/14	2004/08/31, 01:21 PM Wow! I haven't seen a post by Lance in a while. How's it going, Lance? Do you look like Hec yet? :cool::laugh: -------------- I will never grow up, just old. Jonathan (the weaver) Beaver (created by the crafty names people here have called me)
livers20 Posts: 220 Joined: 2004/05/13	2004/08/31, 02:04 PM Hey Jonathan...I have been REALLY busy with work and fixing the house up for the new addition on the way to our family(this weekend). SCREW HEC!!!!!!!!!!! Actually Hec and I made up a long time ago. I was new to this whole message board thing so I had a hard time picking up the sarcasm. So yea just as long as hec keeps his hands off the keyboard we are cool...lol jk -------------- Dont Expect Results, Earn Them! Lance
livers20 Posts: 220 Joined: 2004/05/13	2004/08/31, 02:07 PM Opps miss read your post I thought you asked if I like Hec yet? No I don't. Unfortunatlly my absence on the boards reflex my absence in the gym as well. Give me till Christmas.:cool: -------------- Dont Expect Results, Earn Them! Lance
jonathanweaver Posts: 576 Joined: 2004/06/14	2004/08/31, 02:31 PM That's understandable. Congrats on the new one, a few days early. Hope everything goes well. Make sure you find a few minutes every once-in-a-while to stop in and say hi to us. -------------- I will never grow up, just old. Jonathan (the weaver) Beaver (created by the crafty names people here have called me)
Carivan Posts: 8,542 Joined: 2002/01/20	2004/08/31, 04:41 PM Still re reading and getting a good laugh after 5 minutes!:laugh::laugh::laugh:
Pritchard Posts: 1,212 Joined: 2004/03/02	2004/09/04, 10:05 AM where is hec? or am i just not reading his post. by the way charlie that was averagely funny.:big_smile: -------------- guns dont kill people, rappers do call the police, woo woo woo. stay dumb, you know it makes no sense. This site is best viewed on a monitor connected to a computer. A.D.F.
mmaibohm Posts: 1,621 Joined: 2003/09/30	2004/09/04, 08:26 PM thats a good chuckle chuckles lol -------------- I am that which must be feared, worshipped and adored. The world is mine now and forever.No one holds command over me. No man. No god. I am ANIMAL! and that is enough.
davisp Posts: 313 Joined: 2002/10/26	2004/09/16, 04:48 PM LOL, That's hilarious! Will have to forward that to my wife. :big_smile: -------------- Seeking out motivation does not motivate you to seek out results. - Paul Post mark - SeptemberWW - Post mark
bb1fit Posts: 11,105 Joined: 2001/06/30	2004/09/16, 08:35 PM Good stuff...my night was not going the best at work, made me laugh at least!! You are the man Charlie!!:big_smile: -------------- If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything.... bb1fit@freetrainers.com
firemansam Posts: 147 Joined: 2004/08/20	2004/09/23, 06:00 PM Hahaha thanks charlie you brightened up my day