|
2004/07/11, 07:08 PM
I could use you guys today...and I have to say reading the posts did help me, so many wonderful people and so many struggling yet succeeding, and so many that have worked hard and are here inspiring others.
I'd post this in "injuries", etc forum but it is much more than that...
I hurt myself something FIERCE this week, put me out since Thursday, I think it was. I'm thinking it was bench pressing, I pushed myself a bit harder as I felt I was ready for more sets now, but the next day I couldn't even move my neck, shoulders or lift my arms at all, I think I pinched a nerve - it was sooooo painful, I'm thinking I may have been using too much of my shoulder/neck to push my arms up - does that make sense??
Anywhoooo...I then slept only 13 hours in four days, making it nearly impossible to keep my eyes open let alone workout and working out was impossible due to the painful injury. I had another kids party, this one for my youngest's birthday and had a bunch of teenagers running around when I felt like dropping dead - I kept my chin up and they all had fun, but my chin is now down and out.
I guess what I am writing for is I don't want to give up --I can't, but I've really had the wind knocked out of me this week (just week before last I had over worked myself during workouts but this is much worse) and I am angry with myself - even though I KNOW I couldn't work out hurt, but then I started shoving crap in my mouth when my hubby wasn't looking, giving in to the pressure and lashing out at myself - punishing myself for getting this fat in the first place and now I feel like two months of workouts was just ruined in a matter of days - you know that feeling, where you just feel like you've been sabatoged and can't fight your way back, so why not just give in to what is easier? I keep looking at myself in the mirror and wondering if it is possible for me to ever be thinner? Really? Or am I doomed?
I know I've made some progress, but it is so impossible to envision myself succeeding when all I see is lard covering my body and then to work so hard to just blow it all in a matter of days.
Ohhh...and then, those that read my wonderful post about finally losing a total of 9 pounds - NOT! I knew it was too good to be true, my scale is a cheap piece of #@#(* and two days later I got on and it said I had only lost 5 again - I had worked out great that week, ate wonderful, etc. and here it says I gained back 4 pounds! I messed with it for a while and found it bounces around ever couple of times...so that was a definate deflating moment.
Please don't give me crap for whining or self-pity, I just know there are others that go through this same "stage" and I would like to be honest with myself and others and say, THIS STINKS, and what have you done to get yourself through this? I truly, truly am thinking that I am doomed to this prison of fat surrounding me and the real me is never going to see the light of day again and that is so depressing, I want so much to be happy inside again - and I have been working so, so, so hard - honestly, and I am most likely expecting more too quickly when I know the rules, I know the way it's gotta come off, but whew, it is HARD - and getting fat was soooo easy and I think that is why so many just say forget it as working this hard and eating right is such a challenge when porking out is just so easy....
Okay....do what you will to me...yell, shake your fingers, tell me I am depressing to not only myself but to others...I am ready, but if I didn't post what I am feeling right now, I may of just given up - silently disappeared from FT and gone back to my ignorant ways...never to been seen again except in the Wendy's drivethrough - but I don't want to do that - honestly, and so many of you have come so far and I want to know what that feels like, I am already well aware what failure feels like and I don't want to go that route again...I know - pick myself up, shake myself up and know that only I have what it takes - or I don't...I just pray I do because for 13 years life has been about putting on a smile for everyone else while inside I have slowly been shrinking while the outside grew and I don't want to spend the rest of my life fat, which to me means unhappy, self-concious, miserable, unhealthy and unsatisfied.
Those of you that took the time to read this, I hope I haven't discouraged you or put you off - these feelings are what so many go through and it's my turn and I want to know how so many of you cope with them...it is very important to know that there is a way to continue without giving up! I know my misery is minute compared to others and that life is so harsh sometimes - so what can we do to stop it from taking us over and sending us flying to the chocolate for relief?
I am hoping that since I have been eating very well for six weeks now without no more than four cheat meals the entire time, that my body will just think this last week was me giving in and then I can make a come back tomorrow, at least on my lower body workouts, and go back to eating right and it will be like fooling my body like some say to do now and then so your body doesn't get used to the lowered calories...think that'll work? *wink*
--------------
Veda
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged.
***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
|
|
|
|
2004/07/11, 07:20 PM
First of all, I admire your honesty. I have been here since November and have seen tons of people come and go. I have often wondered if I will do that too (I hope not)! If you haven't noticed, there is something different within you otherwise you wouldn't have taken the time to write this short note:big_smile: - you know better. If you haven't changed as much as you want on the inside, this post says that you have on the inside. This is where the "rubber meets the road". You have to get passed this and keep pursuing your goal. It is worth it! When all is said and done, you will be like those on this site that have made tremedous progress and are encouraging others to do the same. The only difference is that they started earlier than you and I.
I have to tell you that I was in the same place last week - maybe not as severe, but questioning things. I took my BF% and it dropped, my weight went up (that is a ggod thing) and my measurements show improvement. Don't get discouraged, look at this in the face and crush it! You are on the right track and people here care about you. Where would the glory be if it were easy?
--------------
There is no substitute for hard work
|
|
2004/07/11, 07:28 PM
Nah, you can't come back. Just quit!!
For a while. Rest, keep up your diet and most importantly....TAKE A BREATH!!!!! Veda injuries are frustrating but they are just a bump in the road. Muscle memory is remarkable. You won't lose your gains by taking even a lengthy time off. Folks doing a mass gain workout often take 2 weeks off after a 10 or 12 week workout. Most people take a week every 8 weeks. You grow muscle when you rest.
I'm totally discouraged and put off not by your discouragement but because of your bonehead crap about the scale. WAH WAH, my scale said......SCALES LIE!!! You know that. Did your inches come back after a few days off?? Nope. Stick to the diet and rest. When you are able to resume your muscles WILL remember.
After shoulder surgery I found I could still do a lot of exercises. It took a little creativity. My lifts are still skewed towards my legs, back and abs. My bench can be matched by lightweights but it'll come along. Do what you can believe the tape, run over your scale with your car and rest. You be fine baby!!!!
--------------
Foolish consistancies are the hobgoblins of small minds.
Charlie
|
|
2004/07/11, 08:17 PM
(((((Veda))))) I bet typing your feelings out has helped you some because it took courage for you to post exactly how you feel right now. I'm sure you realize that this wouldn't seem as bad if you hadn't become injured and had to cut back on your routine, but sometimes injuries occur. You have to let it heal and then move forward.
I think you've done great to stay clean with your eating for 6 weeks. WOW!!! I've just begun this past Monday. Guess what, I've not been as clean with my eating as I need to be, but I'm going to change it because I know the results to be achieved will come faster and I'll be healthier. I know you know that as well. Hang tough!!
I hope you are feeling better. We all want you to succeed! So, tomorrow morning is a new day, right? What are you going to do? :)
--------------
Do just once what others say you can't do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again.
James R. Cook
|
|
2004/07/11, 09:13 PM
Veda,
I had a whole big post dedicated to you, it was so big it took me ages to write but it was well worth it. Only problem is it took me so long to write I got signed off and when I hit post it didn't work :(
Recap - You are worth it! Take the time off, keep the diet clean and get back when you can. 5lb is a good healthy weightloss in a good healthy time frame. 17 inches is worth so much more than any scales could tell you. Watch the way you talk to yourself, corny as it sounds it does make a huge difference. Telling yourself you don't think you can do it, wont help you.
The only time you fail is when you give up, and I know you wont give up because you never fail at anything! Your words are like nuggets of gold to me when Im feeling down, some of us need you here as much as you need to be here.
Donna
--------------
I knew my parents\' loved me, my bath toys were a toaster and a radio ~ Rodney Dangerfield.
|
|
2004/07/11, 11:30 PM
{{{Veda}}} Wow! Go back and see how much you have changed! You keep speaking about being afraid of, and not wanting to go back to your old ways and habits. Just saying out it loud means you won't, ya know? You have the will power inside of you, you have that drive that puts you above the rest :) You stopped and you posted, laid it all out for everyone to see, you are seeking out support because you know what needs to be done! So you had a couple of bad days of eating, wake up tomorrow and start anew! EVERYONE has those kinds of days, the thing is, we stop the bad habits and hop back on the wagon before it gets too out of hand ; )
As Charlie says THROW out the scale! That is one of the most evil man made items every made! Break out that tape measure and go by the feel of your clothes.
Rest up that injury but don't let the eating go sliding with it. So you made a mistake, I can understand why you would be angry with yourself, I've not injured myself but I have over done it on a few occasions:angry: Use this as a learning experience! You can't make progress without some minor set backs once in a while ; )
Remember it pretty much takes longer to lose it than it does to gain it <sigh> totally NOT fair but that's just the way it is. Besides if we could lose it right away would we learn all the things that need to be learned to so we can keep the weight off for good? Yo yoing is NO fun so with every pound you lose and every exercise you do and every food you eat and every thought you have.........learn : ) The destination will be all the more sweet if you take in the scenery along the way :love:
--------------
Damselfly
Whoever said that sunshine brings happiness never danced in the rain. \\"unknown\\"
|
|
2004/07/12, 07:20 AM
Veda,
Go back and read your own post. All of the advice that you need is in it.
--------------
This message has been approved by the moderators. If you have a problem with it please contact Asimmer.
|
|
2004/07/12, 09:03 AM
Veda, I have felt the same way before. When I have, I do the poor me thing and mope for a bit and then I usually end up whining to somebody or writing something to the same effect in my daily journal.
I don't think you need advice, I think you needed to express your frustration, write down what you were feeling so that you could get it out and move on.
Here's hoping that your post has induced the new rush of optimism that I think you are searching for,
Julienne
|
|
2004/07/12, 10:32 AM
Veda, If you can put up with teenagers at a party then all is not lost. You have what it takes to do what you need to do. Take care of the shoulder and and start back up. About the whining, your a girl it's exspected.
--------------
I will get to it as soon as I am done lifting.
|
|
2004/07/12, 11:09 AM
Veda
I have a pinched nerve in my shoulder too. It was hurting bad every time I raides my arm, but now the pain is dulled (although still there). When I go to the doctor tomorrow I'll ask about it to see if there is anything that can help- it has been hurting for over 2 weeks now although gradually getting better. I'll let you know if there is anything to help it. All I could find on fit buddy about never really mentioned about shoulders.
And if you want to laugh at me go ahead :big_smile: I pinched my nerve not in the weight room, but while helping my sister move. I was hanging off of the u-haul truck pretending to be a garbage man. I have an all new respect for them now :)
|
|
2004/07/12, 11:41 AM
veda - the only time you fail is when you don't get back up.
You will. You are too strong to stop now.
Get up, brush the dust off of your red cape and start again.
Remember - if you fall down seven times, get up eight. We all have times of distress and doubt, the thing that is great is that in a few weeks you will have forgotten how low you were and you will be on a newer high. Often it is darkest before the dawn - you may come out of this fog and find your measurements have dropped again.
Find one of your favorite cd's and get moving to it. You will overcome!
--------------
\"Achieving worthwhile goals requires a consistent investment of time and effort on your part....The rewards you receive will be in direct proportion to the consistent effort you put forth.\"
Brian Johnston, The Power of The Champions
|
|
2004/07/12, 11:47 AM
To each and everyone of you that took time to post...first, my apologies - I'm a writer so my posts are most always toooo long. Secondly, I have always had an easier time writing to express my feelings and I appreciate your allowing me to do so, because, yes, it was difficult, but something I knew I had to do to get through this as I sit on a mountain in timbukto with no one but my family - who love me very much but are used to me taking care of them not vice versa.
My heart raced as I came to my post, worried no-one would be there - or worse yet, criticism for my moaning, but there you were, with kind words, encouragement, support and even light scolding (scales are evil, I believe you now!). You have no idea how each of you has made an impact on my day to day living - you are all so special and have shown me that failure is a choice a large percentage of the time and it is up to me to lead my heart where it wants to go...in the meantime, your humor and serious sides have gotten me through some rough days. I hope that we are all here, together, for a long time as this site just blows any others I have seen to the curb.
Thank you for the insightful and helpful posts, I'll work my lower body today and let upper rest another day, and I am going to follow some great advice as suggested here: I will hop back on the wagon, I'll not punish myself by eating junk, I will create a journal - and write to myself so as not bog you guys down with my whining like a girl (heeheee), I will dust off my red cape and get up, I will have faith in myself (most days anyway!), I will ignore the scale and remember the glory is in succeeding in the hardest thing I have ever done and I refuse to fail even though I may flounder now and then.
I have to share something quick, I hope you don't mind another extended post...one of the boys at the party was overweight and his mother said he probably wouldn't go swimming as he was very self-concious, especially as he had the "man bosum" going. The first evening he stood for over an hour and just watched, I talked to him a bit about going in, but didn't want to push or embarrass him and the kids pleaded with him to join them. The next day all the kids were going swimming again, I caught him alone and gently told him that he was "amoungst friends" and they were his buddies and buddies care and just want to have fun with him and once he got in he would forget about everything and just enjoy being with his friends...I asked him what he wanted to do, and he looked at me and said he wanted to swim with his friends...so he trusted in me - and them and went swimming! There was nothing more satisfying that day than to see this boy laughing and playing for three hours in that pool, trusting those around him that they wouldn't make fun of him but would welcome him. That is what I feel like you all have done for me today -- and guess what? I'm going to go jump in my pool for the first time this year (do some water leg exercises) So, you all have a great day and I will check in later! (pssstt...bobosensi, OUCH!)
Thanks......:love:
--------------
Veda
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged.
***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
|
|
2004/07/12, 12:29 PM
Veda..I think you have a lot of heart, it takes guts to admit what you said. I love reading your posts and I think you are one beautiful person. STRONG and beautiful. You won't quit, you know why? Because quitting is for cowards, I don't think you are one, and from the people who gave you a piece of their minds in this post, they don't think you are too. And yes...those damned scales LIE.
The journal thing is a good idea. I made one online on a separate blog, it's been helping me a lot because I've been listing everything..and I mean everything. Food intake, exercise, moods...etc..etc...
happy swimming! :):love:
--------------
The best victories are won not by adversity and brute force. Learn the enemy and overcome it. Now for the love of god...put the donut...DOWN!!!
-cupcake-
|
|
2004/07/12, 12:31 PM
Glad you got yourself through it. Sometimes all you need is to take a step back and re-evaluate what and why you are doing this. Keep eating as well as you can and keep away from the scales. A better idea to gauge how you're doing is to take measurements and check them every few weeks. That way you can see the change in your body shape and it'll give you a boost.
|
|
2004/07/14, 09:10 AM
veda - the funniest thing - yesterday I was having 'one of those days', I felt dumpy and flabby and like nothing I was doing was amking any difference... and I wrote a big response about it here, about everyone having those slumps. Of course, I hit 'previous topics' instead of 'post it' and was so disgusted that I logged off and went ot go do something else.
Anyhow, today i woke up feeling beter and seeing improvement in my shoulders and wanting to dance and sing about how great this all is....
Go figure. (Did I mention that I am a little manic/depressive?)
--------------
\"Achieving worthwhile goals requires a consistent investment of time and effort on your part....The rewards you receive will be in direct proportion to the consistent effort you put forth.\"
Brian Johnston, The Power of The Champions
|
|
2004/07/14, 10:43 AM
I'm glad your feeling better, asimmer, because you are really something else, what you've accomplish and what you are still accomplishing! I really understand those manic/depressive type moods when tired - I just can't focus on anything and feel so dreary, rest is just so important to both the physical and mental aspects of living!!
Have fun with the dancing and singing!!
...and don't 'cha just hate it when you hit the wrong button and your feelings just disappear, it is really a bummer! But, then I figure maybe it was some sort of sign and I should just go to bed, or do something else like you did!
============
Quoting from asimmer:
Anyhow, today i woke up feeling beter and seeing improvement in my shoulders and wanting to dance and sing about how great this all is....
Go figure. (Did I mention that I am a little manic/depressive?)
=============
--------------
Veda
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged.
***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
|
|
2004/07/15, 01:12 PM
Yes, i think it is a sign that I needed to vent, but that someone saw fit that I shouldn't inflict my whining on anyone but myself and the universe...
Hope you are doing well this week!
--------------
\"Achieving worthwhile goals requires a consistent investment of time and effort on your part....The rewards you receive will be in direct proportion to the consistent effort you put forth.\"
Brian Johnston, The Power of The Champions
|
|
2004/07/15, 01:37 PM
Sometimes, asimmer, I just feel better just writing it down, I've written things before here and then just hit the delete button myself figuring like you said, not to inflict my whining on anyone!! That is why I'm hoping the journal idea helps me make it through rather than boo-hooing to everyone!!:laugh:
I am better, though my sleeping hasn't improved much, it will when my son finds a different job! I am on a "beef jerky diet", lol, while filling for a friend while his assistant is on vacation, I couldn't figure out what to bring for my mini meals so I bought some beef jerky that is high in protein and low in carbs - is that alright? When I'm not working at home, I have terrible eating patterns - I don't eat until I get home and am famished - and I don't want to slide into that. I'm going to go to the nutritional area and see what suggestions are there for some other easy to eat foods. Take care, hope your weeks is better, too!
--------------
Veda
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged.
***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
|
