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2007/03/13, 10:38 AM
Hi-I am 28 and I had my second child 8 months ago. I got a ton of stretch marks and gained 50 lbs. Though I have lost all the weight, my body looks terrible. Any body have any advice on how to make my stomach look better? I need encouragement & advice on how to achieve better stamina, energy, body, attitude, etc. I feel down right lazy and I am depressed looking in the mirror. I use to take a weight training class in college, now all I seem to do is eat food, drink latte's (I own my own espresso business) and am lazy! I fully realize my stretch marks wont go away, though they have faded considerably. I can't seem to get motivated and don't know where to begin. My husband has gained 30lbs since we got married and his stomach/waist has grown wide and out. I am trying to get him motivated as well with out hurting his feelings. I just need some support! Thanks.
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2007/03/13, 10:56 AM
I'll let others give specific advice over and above the "read the stickies and sign up for a free program" line.
However, I'm going to be contraversial now, and I strongly advise you to really think about whether the plan I am suggesting is the right one for your husband. But... Don't try to protect his feelings too much. From my personal experience my wife did the same and it just meant I didn't do anything for a looooong time. I know you don't want to hurt him, but honesty is important too. I wish my wife had hurt me (gently and not painfully) earlier and given me a reason to sort things out.
Now, you know him - I don't. You know your marriage - I don't. So, take a pinch of salt with all that and do what's right for the both of you and your marriage.
Support? Tons of it here, some of it really really useful. So welcome and feel free to ignore the above!
Jon
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2007/03/13, 11:05 AM
Thanks Jon, I tried to gently say something to my husband (because he always makes comments like, "Im a fat boy" or what ever). He got offended and thought I was saying I wasn't attracted to him any more, etc. I told him just getting more ative wasn't going to make the weight go away, because its been a slow progression for the last few years. When I met him he was 185 and now he's 220. I told him complaining about the weight wasn't going ot get it off and eating ice cream every night wasn't either. ;o) He's a tough one to talk to those things about.
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2007/03/13, 12:31 PM
i have same situation opposite sexes...i have been on my new lifestyle since nov really from no working out what so ever....tried to get my wife involved she gets mad more then anything, but a few suggestions I have found that may work, but my wife is more stubborn then most.
you have kids drop a hint you would like him to be around for their weddings...secondly if you do the shopping...dont contribute to the junk...cant have ice cream if its not there..following the same line if you cook make only healthy stuff...I cook in my house and all she gets it what i make she doesnt like it then she does something else BUT I DONT CONTRIBUTE TO IT! tons of support here. And If he's stubborn just do your thing and dont say anything maybe in time he will join in, but like jon said you know your husband not us, I can simply say the children thing works and the changing of the cabinets works, beyond that its personalities
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2007/03/13, 03:34 PM
Ash it sounds like he is really aware of the situation, the 'fatboy' comments for example.
Men are very resistant to advice, it implies a criticsm or that the advisor felt the man was unable to deal with the problem (even if it's true!). Jay's advice is top drawer, absolutely brilliant and some great lateral thinking. You can have an impact on him without him realising - bwhahahahaaa! Once he drops a pound or two, look all coy and twinkle at him and say, "You're looking really great at the moment, have you lost some weight? (or similar)" then... you know, give him *that* look. The twinkle is really important though, that's his motivation! If he feels complemented and a little more confident you'll probably see him move in the right direction as though it was all his idea! Keep drawing him in the right direction with praise rather than pushing him with 'criticism' (in his mind) and I bet you'll get some progress.
Jon
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2007/03/13, 08:42 PM
it easy to say dont buy it the they cant have it but i do the shopping in my house and i said when i started the 12wk challenge that i will not be having junk food in the house so i cleaned the place out, now i open the fridge and magically there is a coke in there( obviously my partner bought it) so if they dont want to help themselves theres not much you can do. just try encouraging them.
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2007/03/13, 10:58 PM
yeah thats what i was suggesting cristal, let them ruin their health themselves but do not aid those who cant help themselves....good example those people that get exploited on talk shows like the guy who LITERAL grew into his couch because he couldnt get up and yet still got fatter, why? HOW, you ask? Simple people felt sorry for him and brought him junk food......just dont be a problem be a potential solution
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Jason Fox 6\'1\" 380lbs
Problems are only opportunities in work clothes-Henry J. Kaiser
The only person\'s opinion that matters is the person in the mirror.-Original
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2007/03/14, 02:15 AM
ppl actually bought him junk food!?! seriously are the f**ked in the head or what? god if that was my friend honestly i would be making sure they couldn't get there hands on junk and would get there fat arse off the couch... growing into a couch is just... god theres no word for it, i'm stunned!:surprised:
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2007/03/15, 08:39 AM
Thank you.....I ordered him a mag. subscription to mens health. I figued perhaps that would be just a gerneral health instead of going full blow with mucle and fitness or something. When I ordered the subscription it gave you 10 power reports and I printed them out and gave them to my husband and he later threw it in my face and said "thanks a lot you are calling me a fat slob?" I said NO, you've been complaining about your weight and your lack of energy, I thought it would be a good motivator! I guess that is like the pot calling the kettle black. He is a little resenting of the fact that I gained 50lbs when pregnant with our son, and lost it ALL + 7 lbs all with in 6 months. He said I didn't do anything different. That is not entirely true. I use portion control and I don't indulge in the ice cream after dinner very often. I own an espresso stand and he doesn't see what I eat or don't eat in here. I have watched what I ate even though I have not "worked out" per say. We do live on a ranch and I love gardening and doing yard work, so I am not exactly lazy. On another side note with this all** for the guys who've responded, I really appreciate the advice from a male stand-point. I have to say his weight gain has affected our intamacy too. 1.) he's self conscious about it and it some times absorbs his concentration (if you know what I mean) and 2.) I find my self less attracted to him and could take it or leave it (most of the time leave it. My husband said if it were up to me we'd never be intimate. Probably true. But how do I tell him Hey honey your body isn't very attractive to me any more. Who am I to say that! Thats mean! It would devestate him. Did you see the show on discovery health channel? The one ton man. He was so fat they had to cut a whole in the wall to get him out of his house! They had to make a special bed, etc for this man. He claimed he didn't over-eat, but his wife always gave in and gave him what ever he wanted.! YIKES. But like Jay said, you can't help those who won't help themselves. They'll always find a way to get the junk!!
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2007/03/15, 08:43 AM
oh by the way, I use to be the sole grocery shopper, but since I opened our espresso stand and work 50+ hours a week in it (because I can take our baby with me to work :o) He a lot of time does the shopping and he'll buy the beer, chips, and Ice cream. He's pretty smooth to, because he'll "buy me" a box of chocolates, knowing full well I won't eat but one piece so he can eat the rest, he's got a sweet tooth and this man has based every life moment on what he ate. Ha ha. Its strange, because this is the first time in adulthood that he has actually been on the heavier side for his size. He has the body type and maybe that is just the way men gain, but he grows out on the sides more than out in front of him. When I gain weight in my stomach it goes straight out in front of me in the lower pooch area, him-its in the love handles.
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