|
2004/02/23, 03:10 PM
I was hesitant to post this, but thought, what the heck! For the past several months now, I have completely lost my sex drive. It's the most bizarre thing. I am married, 42, have a seven year old daughter. I don't really think it's psychological. Although my husband really pisses me off at times, it is never enough to contribute to losing feelings towards him. It's just that the feelings are gone completely...I have absolutely no desire. Has anyone else gone through this? Is there Viagra for women? I know I need to speak to my doc about this, but it's so difficult to talk about. If anyone out there has any advice, please feel free to give it!
|
|
|
|
2004/02/23, 09:44 PM
Being a guy I dont know if you want my 2 cents or not but my g/f is going through the same thing. We use to be intimate all the time now she has just lost it (curious) but yes their is a female viagra it is called avlimil it is pretty knew. It is suppose to really work.
http://www.avlimil.com/
Go their Im pretty sure you can get a free trial to see if their is any bad side effects.
|
|
2004/02/23, 10:15 PM
I am going through the same thing. With alot of looking into it, I think my problem is my birth control. Depo Shot ...sooooooooo many bad things about this that I never knew until recently. I don't have any advice. Just thought maybe the shot could be your problem. I have had it off and on for 6 years and never knew the problems it causes. I found a good site that is basically hundreds of women sharing horror stories from this shot. If anyone wants the add. let me know.
|
|
2004/02/24, 02:22 AM
I'm with you ladies! I used to be quite "eager" but in the last several months I've been lucky if I can muster up enough desire to even tolerate it, much less enjoy it! I'm almost certain that my problem is stress-related....even so, I've been married for less than a year....I though this wasn't supposed to happen for another 20! :surprised:
|
|
2004/02/24, 09:33 AM
At least now I know I'm not crazy and I'm not alone! I used to enjoy sex, then I could take it or leave it, and now I don't want anything to do with it. I've heard bad things about Depo. I've been on ultra low-dose pills for years with no bad effects. I'm going to check out the avlimil site at least and see what they say.
|
|
2004/02/24, 12:11 PM
Although I am still young and only half-married (i have a fiance), I noticed that when he either upsets me or dissappoints me by not listening and communicating enough, I usually want nothing to do with him in bed. But if he's caring and shows affection via doing small little things which make me happy and show he cares, I feel the desire to be with him. Thus, it is psychological. Now, the closer you get to someone, the easier it is for him/her to hurt you, thus turning your libido off towards them. This is when you start fantasizing and wanting to be with someone else, usually someone you barely know because they havent had the chance to hurt you yet. The point is, we must always make sure to show care and love towards the other, and even when in a disagreement, must keep in mind the other's feeling and not use harsh words, because the more pain we cause each other, the less there will be intimacy.Talk through problems and solve them the best you can. If a relationship is alive on the level of trust and communication, sex will be a natural response. This is only from my experiences, hope it helps.:)
|
|
2004/02/24, 01:10 PM
Good post Diana, however I suspect that KKOR's problem has nothing to do with lack of affection.
--------------
Hecdarec in full effect.
|
|
2004/02/24, 01:55 PM
Ladies just a little something that I seen on oprah (not I dont normally watch her but she had a show on sex one day so though what have I got to lose) I never understood this and now it makes so much more sense. Foreplay for women begins or should begin hours and hours before you become intimate or even have sex. For example.....I can relate to kkor because as I have posted before my husband has a very strong sex drive and I do not but have sex alot of times out of obligation and it is easier if we just have sex then to argue about it. There have been many arguments between him and I when I have said no to sex and here lately would just rather not deal with it then to get in a argument and one of us make the other feel bad. Foreplay for me is not seeing me naked and asking me to have sex nor is it trying to get me from behind when we are in the shower together....it is stimulating my mind as well as my body appreciating the person I am.....being able to lay beside me in the bed and talk about our day together. Helping me with the laundry or around the house taking the load off me so I am not exhausted at the end of the day. Taking me to a nice restuarant and pampering me for a evening....all those things are foreplay for me........I know I am not a very visual person looking at porn doesnt do anything for me but reading it instead can do a world of good......Diana your post made so much sense and I believe that is what happens with me and my husband when I do say not to him we get in an argument and it hurts my feelings so I find no sexual feelings there whatsoever because of the last time. Ok I am not saying that I am a cold frigid woman with no sex drive it is jsut that my husband ask me at least 3 times a day and if I just give it to him once then that isnt enough heaven forbid we go a day with out......I put a post on here some time ago about my situaiton if you want to read it I think the title is called my sex drive or his....I hope this helped you and please dont feel bad you arent alone...I will 31 in may and I am wondering when I am going to hit that sexual peak........let me know about the avlimil.....
--------------
you can lead the horse to the water but you can't make them drink.....
~lynnoakdale
|
|
2004/02/24, 02:36 PM
Diana and Lynn both make wonderful points in their posts...they make a lot of sense. My husband actually is very good around the house, takes our daughter places on his own, cooks, etc... His friends tease him and tell him he is the perfect wife! The only gripe I have is that we sometimes just "exist." That is what bewilders me even more. He doesn't really do anything to get me turned off, I just never turn on! It may be completely hormonal since I am getting to that "age" where the hormones really start doing strange things. I went to the avlimil site and it looks like good stuff. I'm going to check GNC and see if they sell it. If not, I'm probably going to be ordering some just to see if it helps.
|
|
2004/02/24, 02:46 PM
My wife and I have had spells like this over 23 years. Some chemically induced and others not. I think its fairly normal unless it drags on so long that it hurts the relationship. If thats the case mecical or psychological help is probably necessary. At the end of the day, happy or sad, joyful or pissed, I don't want to think about life without her. I think thats the question you have to ask. Good luck.
--------------
Some times life is like herding cats.
Charlie
|
|
2004/02/24, 03:12 PM
I agree with Charlie. Over the years both men and women go through periods of both heightened and lessened arousal. Since I am over 40 (shhh) myself my first bet would be it is just a natural physical change you are going through. It may or may not fix itself in a few months, but I would still see my doc. Especially if you have always enjoyed a healthy sex life. There are many reasons and many fixes for this problem. If you think Avlimil is the answer that's greaat, but I would still see my doc and let him know what is going on. You certainly don't want to make things worse or do something you may not need to do. Good luck and if you are comfortable with sharing, keep us posted.
--------------
~Victoria~
...Do not be discouraged; everyone who got where he is, started where he was.--anon
...There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.--Beverly Sills
|
|
2004/02/24, 03:17 PM
Does that make us summer or fall chickens Victoria?????
--------------
Some times life is like herding cats.
Charlie
|
|
2004/02/25, 05:31 PM
For us Charlie, it is eternal spring.
--------------
~Victoria~
...Do not be discouraged; everyone who got where he is, started where he was.--anon
...There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.--Beverly Sills
|
