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2005/07/07, 12:26 PM
I have been bulemic for about a year now. A few friends know about it. I recently got married and ever since it has become sooo much worse. I try to assess the feeling that I am having when I do this, and it seems to always be at night when I am around my husband! How awful is that! He knows that I am very hard on myself and I really watch what i eat, but now I have started to do this with regular meals......
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coconutgirl
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2005/07/07, 04:48 PM
It is you. The relationship could theoretically be an instigator, but the emotional drive that leads you to b/p ... it's all about you, girl.
When I was younger, I realized I had a problem when I used to do it after an argument with a parent. The only way I knew to deal with the anger and frustration was to turn it inward and then, well, let it go (I don't like how that sounds, but I suppose it's the truth so there it is).
Food, weight and image obsession or perfectionism whatever your cause is, you're a life-r now. That statement is not a doom & gloom omen, but what you're doing is an emotional compulsion. It is a form of addiction. Like the saying "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic." You will alway deal with this, for the rest of your life. I am a recovering bulimic. Have been for 5 months. And it's great to be free, but I realize I am and always will be a recovering bulimic. It's still embarassing and still hard to say it so "matter-of fact" but there it is!
And you're not alone. Which should give you comfort (lots of us to be empathetic) and also scare us all:
2 in 5 women are bulimic
Constantly struggling with body acceptance. On a daily basis. Hurting yourself as a form of punishment emotionally and physically. What a horrible trio. How the hell do we help stop this?
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The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own. - Benjamin Disraeli
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2005/07/07, 04:57 PM
Thanks Nikki~
:)
I know I need to seek help, but i just don't know what to do about the marriage.....
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2005/07/07, 05:11 PM
Do you really love your husband? If so, is he aware of your situation? And if the answer is yes to both of the above, grab yourself by the neck and get some help before you DIE!
DO IT!!!
L.
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Cerca, trova
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2005/07/07, 06:29 PM
Me personally, I had a really hard time reaching out. Talking about it or getting counseling was a horrible thought. Call it stupid pride, or being a bit of a perfectionist and thinking I could do it on my own. I didn't wany ANYBODY to know. Maybe getting help would have "brought me to recovery" sooner, but I guess I'm stubborn; I had to deal with it on my own terms. Thank god it worked out. And that it didn't get to the point where I killed myself because of stupid pride.
I guess what really shook me up was this Terri Schaivo case in December. I've mentioned this before in this forum. Her coma was bulimia-induced. She was throwing up and caused a chemical imbalance, a lack of phosphorus I believe, that caused a seizure = coma. In her case, she had lost a lot of weight by it and people were telling her she was beautiful and looked great, and she had to maintain that facade in her mind.
Struggling to maintain that false image killed her and wow, look what it did to her family. Certainly, hell on earth. That, along with several other "planets aligning" caused me to be very introspecive about things in my life and really take some time to address my body image problems. I've definitely used negative mental reinforcement to drive my weight loss / diets.
It was HARD when I commited to not b/p again, ever. It took me a full 30 days. Going to bed feeling full and with a panicked feeling I was going to get on the scale the next morning and have gained 20 gazillion pounds.
I had to unlearn unhealthy habits and learn healthy ones; let myself feel the natural consequences of my actions. And probably one of the most powerful of lessons was applying that in life on a general basis. To stop being lazy by using shortcuts. Now that I think of it, thinking of myself as being lazy using things as crutches (throwing up; anything generally I used as a crutch to "zone out") to get through things I didn't want to face in life. And, being repetitive, EMPHASIS ON TO NOT SOLVE, SIMPLY GET THROUGH.
Anyhow, I've probably said enough for now! :love: Nikki
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The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own. - Benjamin Disraeli
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2005/07/07, 06:36 PM
Hopefully someday I will be able to be on your side of the fence. Preferrably sooner than later.....
thanks:)
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2005/07/07, 06:36 PM
Hopefully someday I will be able to be on your side of the fence. Preferrably sooner than later.....
thanks:)
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2005/07/07, 07:01 PM
You certainly can beat it, I'm sure of it. People who battle with it, hate it and don't want it. I know it's not something you truly want to do, nor do you want that horrible label of "bulimic."
But your resolve has to be firm - stop, period. It's truly that simple. Don't let yourself T.U. That is the magic key and it opens up so much more emotionally - first fear, panic, and then eventually a calm, logical freedom. That calm comes with dealing with the core issues that are making you want to throw up, but you HAVE to stop first. If nothing else, just stop that, as if everything depended on it. You'll be okay.
In my case, I didn't get fat, why? Because I cared too much about how I looked and how badly I physically and emotionally felt after overeating. I didn't feel comfortable. And wow, for the first time I realized that my fears were actually so very small. But what I was doing on the other hand to avoid those fears was extreme.
Though this is going to sound really cheez-ball-y, moving past using bulimia to deal with, for me, body issues, was a great journey of self-forgiving, growing up beyond the mind set that I always can get out of this (not just food-related); I can avoid feeling, or numb out, by doing this. I feel wise because of it.
Guess that's what life's all about - learning more about yourself. And being in recovery is nothing short of liberation, that's for certain.
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The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own. - Benjamin Disraeli
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2005/07/07, 07:16 PM
your awesome!!!!!:big_smile:
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2005/07/07, 07:50 PM
She sure is. I'm not even bulemic and you've inspired me!
DX
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2005/08/25, 01:25 PM
Thanks - I'm here to help in any way I can.
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