I decided I want you all to know the truth! Ok, here is the real reason why I haven't been working out. It's true I haven't been able to make time for it, or you could say I was avoiding it. At the time it feels just like one more thing to worry about. I have an anxiety disorder and for a few years I really had it under control. Then the stress with my baby girl overwhelmed me and I was confronted with something I have not yet had to deal with. Aparently it was to much for me to handle and it brought on a massive and steady flow of anxiety related problems. For someone like me it takes a lot of energy to try and learn to be positive all the time and make all other nessesary adjustments to defeat or at least control anxiety. It's exhausting. I've studied anxiety extensively, been in Thearay and in the past have tried 3 different medications. All 3 made things worse for me, so I never wanted to use any again.

I went to the Dr. yesterday cause of a problem with my throat. It feels like I have an obstruction in the very bottom of my throat. Not a good feeling. The Dr. said that my nervis system is hypersensitive and caused the muscles in my throat to contract. He thinks it's anxiety related. We had a long talk and decided I should give medicine another chance. So, I am, but I don't feel good about it. I feel like shit. I battle with this every day and it takes a lot out of me and when I'm starting to be able to control one part of it, another one pops up out of nowhere. I feel defeated, not depressed but angry. I'm afraid to have children, cause I'm worried I may not be able to be there for them because of this. Well, who knows maybe this time the meds will acually work. It sure would be nice to get back to having a normal life and concentrate on more important things!!!

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