So I have been reflecting on my life and my attitude fto diet and exercise.  I am trying to work out why i am the way I am and what has stopped me in the past from achieving my goals.  I found thta while I was doing this I started to make exuses for myself.  I even started to feel sorry for myself.  I realised that I really need to go deep and be honest with myself....And because this is online and you dont know me I will be honest on here as well.

So firstly I started to think about why I got so big in the first place- I think it is a combination of things really.  I had my daughter (8ears ago) and put on lots of weight but I lost it all again pretty quickly.  Then I put on heaps.  I think change in lifestyle didn't help- I was home all day and bored.  Then I think that I didnt realise I was so big- It happens so gradually.  i kept setting my expectations lower.  I kept saying that I will not ever buy size 14 jeans then it wwent up to 16 and now it is at 18.  I kept thinking that I would be able to loose the wieght so dont stress.  I was delusional

Then I started to think about my attitude towards dieting and exercise.  I have always started a diet and exercise program with the belief that I was only going to have to do it until I lose the weight and then I can go back to normal again.  Well that is the best way to fail.  I lost 18 kg in 2010 and was so excited everyone said that I looked great and then I slacked off.  Little bit by little bit I reduced the exercise I relaxed the diet and what do you know - all of the wieght returned...  Months and months of hard work down the drain.  I now realise that I need to do this forever.  it is not just until I lose the weight it is forever and I need to be committed to that.  I am still not sure

So today I am being honest with myself and I need to get to know my weaknesse and strengths and then plan so that I make sure that I suceed.  I think I need counselling to address my food issues and negative thought patterns.  I am going to seek out support in every way I can to make this happen for me!  This is my time!

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