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2004/12/09, 09:00 PM
i am a married, overweight female who feels under appreciated at home. i feel very lonely and want to know if there is anyone out there that i can talk to for some moral support.
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2004/12/10, 09:05 AM
Well judging from your profile, the first thing you should do is get a good lawyer and then a good therapist to help restore your self-esteem.
We can certainly help you with your fitness goals but first you have to tell us what those goals are. It's not enough to say I want to lose weight, you have to say how much, that's goal setting. Then we can help you make a plan but the implementation of that plan is up to you.
If you are ready to take serious action and implement lifestyle changes, we are here to help. Welcome to FT!
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Anni
*******
Does my ass make these pants look big?
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2004/12/10, 09:42 AM
I recommend you lose the husband first and then work on the weight.
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I am from Philadelphia, for all the people who keep posting the infamous where are you from thread.
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2004/12/10, 01:43 PM
Maybe there is no room for that so called husband!
If I say more it will get deleted!
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"A will finds a way, failure is not an option"
Ivan
carivan@freetrainers.com
Montreal Canada
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2004/12/11, 12:51 AM
I agree with the others. I hate to say it, but your husband is simply heartless. You need to take matters into your own hands now.
You simply need to get some pride in yourself and everything else will take its natural course. We will be happy to help you with your fitness goals and supply motivation, you will have to do the rest. The best way to get back at your husband while at the same time get your life back is to get lean and fit, this will instill confidence in you and it is amazing how many times this turns the tables. :big_smile:
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If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything....
bb1fit@freetrainers.com
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2004/12/11, 09:24 AM
You know the old joke: "I lost 200 pounds of ugly fat...I divorced my husband." :laugh: Thanks, I'll be here all week. Seriously, I do agree with everyone else.
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2004/12/13, 03:42 PM
Thanks guys. it really helps to know you have people in your corner supporting you. i am so excited to get started and lose some weight, but when i told my husband i was going to start working out he said, " Whats the point?" He told me even if i were to lose all the weight that my skin would hang like curtains and that i would look like i was melting. im starting to agree with him. even if i do lose weight ill have drapes for skin and thats equally as unattractive. bb1, your a really healthy, fit individual--would you want to be with an overweight woman or someone who looks like soft-serve ice-cream??
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2004/12/13, 03:50 PM
Seek therapy.
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I am from Philadelphia, for all the people who keep posting the infamous where are you from thread.
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2004/12/13, 03:57 PM
you need not to be so hard on yourself. i am 5'3 and weigh almost 200 pounds. i have a wonderful husband so don't be so hard on yourself. you have to love yourself too. divorce the husband cause there is a chance that if he talks like this about you not being attractive he could be out there with somebody who is attractive and only staying with you so he dont pay child support. keep your head up and follow your heart. there is someone out there for everyone.
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2004/12/13, 05:39 PM
You know, that can be corrected, too. I'm with hec on this. Find a qualified therapist and get help.
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2004/12/14, 06:20 AM
I would save the money and spend it on a good lawyer, rather than a therapist.
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2004/12/14, 10:57 AM
Princess, you do make some good posts!!
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Quoting from princesslodgey:
I would save the money and spend it on a good lawyer, rather than a therapist.
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If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything....
bb1fit@freetrainers.com
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2004/12/15, 07:55 AM
I'm getting ready to be hard on you, so please understand that I mean no disrespect.
About your weight problem, if you are overweight and/or unhealthy....it is something you have done to yourself and something that you must want to correct for yourself. You are unlikely to be sucessful if you seek your motivation from anywhere other than your own desires.
That being said, consider the source of your problem. Why do you overeat? What makes you not want to get out and exercise? Have you ever had dicipline when it came to your diet and if you used to have it, when did you loose it?
After you figure all this out, ponder the biggest question of all:
Do YOU want to change direction on this road you have been traveling?
And more important than that, is: WHY?
You should take some time to think about all of this. Obesity, in my opinion is a disease of sorts. I think you need to find the source and start your "treatment" there.
And judging from your profile, you might find that the root of the problem does not lie in your kitchen either. Your self esteem is practically nonexsistant and I agree that you should go to couceling asap, even if you have to seek out a free clinic and do it in secret.
And as to the other side of your delima.
It's not going to help. If you lost a hundred pounds and came out of it looking like Pamela Anderson, he'd still be abusive. He might bang you more, but he'd still be the same pig he is right now and would find other ways to keep your esteem as low as possible.
Accepting and getting through this will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do. There will be: "but my kids"..."but money"..."but I can't"...but everything in the world except the real facts. Those being:
1. That your children would be all the better for a mother that was willing to break the cycle so that they would not grow up to be the man and woman that are in your bedroom at night.
2. That one can live just as happily in a trailer as they can a mansion if they have self worth.
3. That nothing is impossible and that the only thing that holds anybody back comes from within...from SELF AND NOBODY ELSE.
You can do this ovrwghtundrsexd. You can loose wight and gain a healthier lifestyle. You can find happiness with yourself and start a brand new life.
BUT ONLY IF YOU WANT TO.
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Julienne
A morning without coffee is like something without something else.
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2004/12/15, 08:39 AM
screw him
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2004/12/15, 10:32 AM
For what its worth, if you lose the weight inteligently, that is slowly with proper diet and exercise, you will greatly reduce the vast majority if the stretch marks. If you try a radical fix like that idiotic TV show where people lose 15 pounds in a week, then stretch marks and loose skin are inevitable. At a healthy rate of 2 or 3 pounds a week you'll be amazed at how good your results will be.
This decision must be for yourself as Dfly says. It must come in the form of a lifestyle change that you decide to make permanent. I won't comment on your husband's attitude as there are always two sides to every story. We at FT can help and encourage you along the way. Most of us are here because we like doing that. We can't cure the psychological pain you suffer but lots of people here will help as much as possible. I think you do need to address that in addition to the physical thing.
I can promise you that if you persue the diet and exercise both problems will get better. I hope you join us here.
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
Charlie
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2004/12/15, 12:02 PM
I think both needs sense knocked into them
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The following, has not be approved by the FDA or FT, it was not meant to diagnose,treat,or prevent any diease(s) Please consult a moderator or doctor before using any of the suggestions or comments.
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2004/12/16, 12:14 PM
I have not made a post in a very long time, but when I saw this it really made me angry, Let me tell you honey I have been married going on my fourth time and the first one thought he could hit me, you should have seen him flying down those stairs:big_smile:, the second one was nothing but a drunk and selfish from the get go, the fourth one couldn't leave the ladies alone, Now number 4, I have hit the Jackpot with him, he met me when I was over weight and is nothing short of being the most supportive and helpful mate I have yet to find. (I love you Baby) My point with all this, No matter what they do or say, they have no right to mentally or physically abuse you. Dump his ass, find a good lawyer and know from a ex so called fatass that you worth more than he will ever be. The kids will get over it and you will feel so much better about yourself. OH I am so angry I am rattling on. There are support groups out there that can help you and we here at Free Trainers are always there. Make him sleep on the couch:angry:
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THE NATURAL WAY IS THE ONLY TRUE PATH TO SUCCESS, PRIDE, JOY, HAPPINESS, LONG TERM FULFILLMENT AND SELF-ESTEEM!
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2004/12/16, 12:37 PM
The couch? Wow, your generous!
Nice to see you Sandy:big_smile::big_smile:
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If you can dream it, if you can imagine it, then you can be it, you can do it. If it is meaningful enough, and you commit the energy of your passion, you will.
Ivan
carivan@freetrainers.com
Montreal Canada
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2004/12/16, 04:43 PM
Abusive people suck and you will not be able to gain any control over your life if someone else is controlling it. You can do it if you want to - lose the man, and lose the weight if you want!
I'm sorry, but after living in a situation such as yourself years ago and now having a wonderful man that loves every ounce of me, I can honestly tell you that MISERY IS OPTIONAL! My X used to throw me down and punch my thighs as hard as he could screaming at me that I was nothing but a fat pig - and I weighed 138 of lean muscle and worked out four hours a day to stay in shape - so it didn't matter to him if I was lean or not, to him all women were fat pigs. Next, I got cancer and when I realized that he was rooting for me to DIE, that was it, for two months I packed and moved things to a storage locker, things he wouldn't notice, I paid for an apartment a little bit a week until move in day when while he was at work, a semi pulled up and I threw everything in it and I never NEVER looked back at the bastard. MISERY IS OPTIONAL and I am now with a beautiful, loving, man that loves me and my children! Make a decision, stick to it, know you are WORTH IT, I always said I would rather be lonley without a jerk than with one! But, honestly, after I was alone, I found peace and I wasn't lonely, I was strong and worth it and my kids will never have to grow up to treat someone else like he did by him being their example. If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for the happiness of your children because they deserve it and have no other choice but to follow your suit....Good luck and many hugs from someone that has felt your pain and knows now I never, ever had to....nor do you...
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Veda
MISERY IS OPTIONAL
***When you are up to your ears in trouble, try using the part that is not submerged.
***The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
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2005/02/28, 02:06 AM
Sometimes people grow dependent upon people. I always used to think I had to have a boyfriend. I could have saved almost 10 years of BS had I realized this wasn't true. I haven't had a really serious relationship since then (5 years ago). I never had a good job until we split up. (I used to take care of his 2 boys). Now, I'm an area manager - before, I had piddly jobs anyone could do. Now, I date guys, and I guess I'm a bit too picky, although I don't make good picks to begin with. The last guy who tried to pick me up told me his bday. I went online and found out he was in jail over 10years for murder! I'm focusing on myself for a while! After I lose my weight, maybe I'll go to church and find a nice rich guy! (just kidding)! Anyway... there is always someone here I believe. I think you should think about changing the name you are using here. Be more positive. If you can think it, you can do it. Good luck.
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2005/03/01, 11:22 PM
I agree with everyone; especially Dfly. You need to do this for YOU! Not him! Your husband sounds like a very controlling, CRUEL man who likes to make himself feel better by making you feel like crap.
You need to work on getting yourself into shape physically and mentally. You don't need someone bringing you down all of the time. I know from experience how this makes you feel. (Been there, done that.) When you are finally happy with yourself, (And rid of him) then maybe it is time for another relationship.
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2005/03/01, 11:26 PM
Forgot to add: If you are serious about getting healthy and losing weight, don't tell your husband. He sounds like the type that would try to sabotage your plan. Just go for it and leave him in the dust.
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2006/07/09, 06:39 PM
Eat more carrot cake.
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2006/08/07, 04:20 PM
Honey -Lose the husband FAST and lose the weight SLOWLY.
Your husband has a severe problem and it's more than just your weight. He needs mental help.
Here would be my agenda -
1. get a lawyer (take him for everything you can - mental cruelty)
2. get a good therapist(for you and the kids)
3. seek out a good friend that you can talk to and exercise with.
Here is what my granny always said -
Decide which guns your going to use in the gun fight and stick with them - as long as you trust them they won't let you down.
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